It wasn’t supposed to happen like this.
You meet your person. You fall in love. You dream of a long, happy life together. You promise each other the world. “We aren’t going to be like our parents,” or “We’ll never end up like everyone else,” you say.
A beautiful wedding. Children. A life you build with the belief it will be forever.
Supposed to be. Supposed.
Key word.
No one gets married expecting it to end in divorce. We always believe in forever. That’s what the fairytales tell us.
Love is beautiful. It can lift you to places you never imagined—high mountain-top kind of love. A feeling like no other. To be accepted, truly seen, valued in your purest and most authentic self. To feel safe sharing your darkest secrets, your painful memories, your insecurities. To give someone your whole heart, knowing they have the power to break it at any moment, and trusting they won’t.
There’s no greater power than that kind of trust-until it’s broken. Until your safe place because the biggest danger zone. And your secrets and insecurities are now the sharpest weapons of all. In an instant, it can all disappear.
It can shatter you like a glass vase dropped on the floor. You see the pieces everywhere as you try to pick yourself back up. But once it breaks, no matter how carefully you glue it back together, it will never be its original form again.
Losing someone you love—no matter the form of the loss—creates a pain that’s nearly indescribable. Some people spend their entire lives trying to recapture that kind of love. Some destroy everything in their pursuit of the “old” version of it. Some try to replace it. Some never find it again.
But what about the type that slowly slips through the palm of your hand? Moment by moment. Day after day. Until one day you wake up, realizing this is just not what it once was. There’s not a vase-shattering moment that marks the change. You can’t look back and pinpoint it. It is just no more. Or just completely recognizing that the love you once felt is no longer there. You want it to be, you wish it were. But the pain of the day to day turmoil, the unresolved anger, the built up resentments, the lack of prioritizing the needs of each other, the growing as individuals, the needs of the children, the hustle and bustle of life and the pointing of fingers were prioritized instead of growing as a couple. Or maybe the lack of growing all together- has now brought you to this space, and that- is whole different kind of heart break. A pain people don’t talk about. That’s what leads people to the selfish nature of drowning themselves in their careers, in their guilty pleasures, in their addictions, in their attention-seeking behaviors- all the things that just kill the relationship even more, because now… You just want to feel something. Anything.
The pain leads to fighting. The anger leads to emotional abuse. There is so much toxicity. Maybe there’s control and fear. Maybe there’s codependency. Maybe there's (Insert unhealthy trait here). Whatever you were taught to normalize and accept as love at one point in your life is starting to become undeniably recognized as straight madness rather than love. Let’s also not forget potential trauma bonds which is a whole different layer. Whatever situation someone may find themselves in… recognizing that you’re in the thick of it and having to make a decision to let go or to heal through these moments can be and is extremely difficult. You hold on so tightly, hoping and praying something will change. Months turn into years. Hoping and praying that it can go back to what it once was, when you know in your heart it never will, only to see yourself fall deeper and deeper into a dark hole. You hide the truth from so many people. You pretend you're a happy family.
But we make the decision. Eventually. When we finally get sick of feeling this way. When we finally know it’s time. We know we have to for everyone’s sake.
This is the best for everyone.
Do it for the kids.
Do it for yourself.
So you made the decision.
It’s over. You’ve said it before. Many times. But this time- it’s real.
Some days are good. Some days are okay. And some days are harder than others. And we fight just to keep a smile on our face, even when we feel like everything is actually falling apart inside.
The self-esteem plummets. The depression sinks in. The negative thoughts start to race. The tears fall.
But it was supposed to be forever.
I don’t want a broken home.
But what about the children..
No one else is going to love me.
But the truth is…
It’s not okay to stay in a place that you don’t belong in, either. That you’re not happy in. Where there is no more love. Where it’s unhealthy. Where the kids are surrounded by fighting. It may be scary. And there may be a lot of unknowns. But being uncomfortable and doing what we must will always be the winning solution.
People will talk.
People will have their own opinions.
People will judge.
Let them.
This is not their story. It’s yours.
You will find your way.
Some days will feel lonely.
Some days you’ll think of them.
Being a single mom will be hard.
Some days you’ll cry.
You’ll question yourself at times.
But you’ll pick yourself up.
You will start to smile.
And laugh.
And have fun.
Things will become stable again.
Trust yourself
The kids will learn to understand.
You’ll start to feel confident again.
Happiness and joy will find its way.
Love will come with time.
It’s all going to be okay.
